My First Blog Post

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

— Oscar Wilde.

This is the first post on my new blog. I’m just getting this new blog going, so stay tuned for more. Subscribe below to get notified when I post new updates.

SUICIDE??? PLEASE NO! 🥺

Besides being a crazed writer, I’m a therapist who plays by my own rules…so yes, I’m still crazed. Don’t hesitate to contact me. I’ll listen, and I’LL HELP!

This is for people looking at suicide as their only option.
Listen, when you’re being bogged down by problems, it’s just inevitable that you will want to take the shortest and fastest route to relief, and seeing as to how your mind is closed off and all, it won’t even cross your mind that round-faced Michael sitting opposite you has some cooler options in mind.

You’re planning to stab yourself? Well, wait and listen to me. Stabbing yourself is gonna multiply your problems…maybe not for you, but your loved ones. Do you recall how you were all enthused about becoming this awesome and free-spirited doctor saving lives? Do you remember? Do you really wanna throw all that away? Do you wanna cause your loved ones pain?
Now, don’t raise the knife yet. Think! You have loved ones. There’s people who love you. You’re not worthless. You’re important. Everybody is.

Life is like one nagging and annoying wife who just can’t stop crossing the line. She enjoys slicing onions right under our noses, but are we supposed to grab the knife, pistol or machete and end it all? And divorce Life? That’s like playing into her hands. No. You squint and look around for other alternatives. Because of these onions (hardships), you’ll tear a little, sneeze and your nose will get watery, but you can solve that by washing your eyes and drying them off. There’s also blowing your nose. Do you get my point? Where there’s a problem, there’s a remedy as well. Suicide is the worst option you could ever think of, but if it presents itself, first push it aside and look around you. Other alternatives will show up.
I agree. Life is one mean ass of a wife, but she ain’t all that bad. She has good in her. She has beauty in her. We all do.

Strike up a conversation with horse-faced Wanda and ask her about how she copes with certain situations and chances are, she might be a psychology mogul whose knowledge stretches well beyond horse ranches and bat droppings.

Listen, you have a lot to live for; your unborn babies, that six-figure business you’re yet to start up, multitudes of little ones to motivate, your family, the love you’re yet to spread and above all, God to worship.

Put the knife down and go have a chat with a loved one.

Have a wonderful the rest of the week.

Anne sends her love to you. ❤️ 💕

Stop frowning

It’s been one helluva month, I’ve enjoyed my subscription for 2021 & I’m not impressed, BUT WHAT TO DO? The money is non-refundable and I’ve just got to go through 2021.

I have a number of options here

1. Commit suicide. (But that would be too weak of me. I’m not one to let Life and her onions make my eyes stream)

2. Yell and curse at humanity for being cunts (but it’s not the poor dears’ fault that they exist. So, this is no longer an option)

3. Give up on my dreams and let the spirits lead (I don’t give up too easily, though. This has been crossed out)

4. Bully myself into embracing Life with open arms, since she’s my wife, and find a way to live with her, find a way to make the best of the onions she gives me. YES. This is the best option. Life is my wife and rather than getting rid of her by going for option one, I’ll try to resolve issues with her and find what works best for the both of us.

How about you?

Don’t let Life force you down. You’re too strong for that. 😉

Suicide is never an option 🙅🏽‍♀️

Forget all the reasons you want to die and remind yourself why you should live

Life has an abundance of onions in her store, but the problem is, she is too generous with these onions. Too generous I say, even when you don’t need them, but alas! You need to find a use for them. Squeeze them in your juice, eat them raw, boil them and whatever another way you like.

She comes with a lot of problems, aye, but she’s one of those spouses whom you can’t just tell what to do. If she decides to punish you with poverty, she will (grimly), she most certainly will, but there’s a bright side. There’s something you can do about it, and suicide is never an alternative. Suicide is depriving yourself of the chance to look Life in the eyes and say, “bring it on, bitch”. Suicide is weakness, cowardice, and it’s never an alternative to anything. No baby. It ain’t.

When Life gives you onions, you smile politely, say thank you and make onion juice that will do you a lot of good.

What I mean is, whatever Life throws at you, you find a way to mold it into something that favors you, then wait for whatever else Life is going to add to your basket.

It’s a shitty world. Shit can also be manure. It’s all about knowing how to bend some things to your will.

Go out there and show Life who is boss. You’re all superstars and you can do this.

A great the rest of the week to you. 💪🏽

2021; A year of construction, not destruction 🤓

Stare 2021 right in the face like your Godzilla

Hello folks. It’s Anne again, and I come in peace…ever more so solemnly.

You know, I haven’t been hearing any “2021 is my year” chants since the year started but I guess I’ll go first since everyone else seems too scared to say so. Right. One, two, three, gooooo

2021 is my year.

Sounds pretty brave of me, huh?

Not really. I guess you could say that there’s going to be an application of balls and guts somewhere, and I’m not so blinded by positivity to the point of overlooking the pits that always appear in our paths but nevertheless, I’m ready to turn 2021 into an amazing year for myself.

How?

📌 By writing consistently and steadily working towards becoming a better writer

📌 By continuously kicking procrastination right in the gut to keep her off my back so that I can publish my first novel this year

📌 By never letting positivity out of my sight. By continuously pitching my stories to editors and never stopping to hope that someone somewhere will appreciate my work

📌 By meditating, spending more time with myself and getting to know myself better

📌 By forcing my introverted self out of my bedroom and travelling to do a task I’ve been promising to do for two years now

📌 By putting an end to meaningless relationships and the like.

Doing all this isn’t going to be as easy as noting them was, but as I said, 2021 is gonna be my year, it has got to be my year, and I’ll make it my year. I believe I will.

Forget all your placebos and get creative. Bully yourself into going a step further in achieving your dreams because, well, it all starts in the head, same as the placebos do. Don’t waste another year making excuses.

A great Sunday to you. 😉

Chucks and hugs. 😆🤪

It starts with being carefree. Society shouldn’t tamper with that.

Do you remember when you were a child? Do you remember when you were about 4, 5, 6 or so years old? Do you remember how you were like, looked like? Do you recall the activities you indulged in? Do you recall the innocence, naivety and gaiety that filled your soul? Do you remember the passion, love and blindness with which you plunged into certain things, not just trying them out, uhm, “tentatively”?

Do you remember how you’d wear bell-bottoms and top them off with shirts that looked like they were borrowed from your ancestors and you’d still not give a shit what Tom, Dick or Harry thought of you? Do you recall how your mama would buy jeans the like which only Bigshow would fit in and you’d still strut around the school corridors with your new, sweet-smelling pants?

Do you remember any of this? If you’re anywhere near my age or less (I’m twenty), you’ll most probably remember some of this. If you’re above twenty, I don’t know. Let me know what you think???

Your head is probably spinning. “The kid has run her mouth faster than Louis Hamilton’s sportscar in three paragraphs and still not gotten to any damn point.” Don’t frown no more Grandma Goodsie/Pops Whatever-Your-Name-Is.

My point is, when we’re young, we don’t feel the need to over-analyze situations the same way we do when we grow up (well, most of us). When we get fascinated with bikes and feel the need to learn how to pedal one of them goodies, we don’t first step back and work up scenarios in our heads of how we’d land hard on our small buttocks, bump our heads on the asphalt and end up with a shiner up there somewhere, fall in the cowpat face-fast and get a mouthful of it or anything else. We just get into the task with eagerness and a burning desire to learn (well, most of us), the what-ifs aside and out of mind.

The result?

We learn how to pedal the dang wheel in the end because we didn’t let any what-ifs distract us and hold us back from learning.

As kids, innocent (harken, dears. Not all of you were innocent. I, for one, was, but you…I smell rotten fish. 🙄😐) carefree kids, there was no need to empty the whole wardrobe in search of the perfect garment for going to Church, school or to visit Aunty Molly who smelled like aniseed balls and drove you nuts with her love for cats. Maybe on an occasional day or two, we’d comb our hair a bit and put on a little mascara to look good for Ben coming over later in the day but other than that, society could go hang.

The result, folks? You wanna know the ikkle likkle result?

Aye, gather round, folks. Gather round. Yer need ter hear dis. Ol’ Annie got ‘nough ter say ter fill up yer ol’ itchy ears.

The results is a bunch of depressed adults who deprive themselves of the chance to loosen up and let gaiety wash over them because, uhm, they’ve “got a society to impress”. A loony bin, more like.

I betcha a quid yer ol’ mayther didn’t spare the society a goddamn thought when she was nursing yer. (Pardon my Chinese)

Anyway, that’s just about it. Even a non-religious arse like me knows plenty well that nowhere in the Bible does good ol’ Jaysus tell anyone to please the society. The goddamn society can go hang. You wanna skip to the grocery store singing Baby Shark even if you’re way beyond thirty? It’s okay, Mikey, go ahead. Let them look. At the end of the day, it comes down to one thing. You had fun. Had one helluva chuckle. Grinned like a toddler, loosened up.

I’m gonna end this on one note. You don’t have to have certain things to be happy. Happiness is around you, in you, dangling right under your nose.

Have one hell of a loony the rest of the week, folks. And…don’t forget to have some chucks. 😉

Soulmates, or hell no?

There’s something about writing that I can’t quite put a finger on, something like a drug of which you just can’t get enough.
Someone asked me to explain my obsession with writing. My answer is; it’s my weed, my opium, my cocaine, MY CANNABIS.

Wrote this poem when I was high on ink. Uhuh!

Guess I found my soulmate. Writing. I draw energy from her, I make her solid by materialising her. We coexist. She lives in my blood, I live in her existence. Just that. No questions asked, none given.

It’s one of those passions that burn with a fire untamed. A furnace that can be re-ignited any time someone tries to douse it. A furnace that will never stop burning no matter what.

So, you need a soulmate? I’ll simply tell you to get that which ignites your bones and sets your body aflame. It shouldn’t necessarily be a person. It can be your pet, your career, you know yourself best, so, you name it.

Sit down, think. What exhilarates you?

A great the rest of the week to you.

2021: Round two of 2020 or??

Hey, Great Minds. Anne came around to wish you a better new year but, tell me something. Did you read the headline of this blog post?? If yes, please tell me I’m wrong. 🥺😩 Another year of this shit and I’m going to murder my Guardian Angel.

Kidding. Murder is never a good solution.

Anyway, it shouldn’t matter whether we’re in for round two of 2020 or not. What matters is that we shouldn’t let life and its onions halt our progress in bettering ourselves and being amazing people. Let’s be kind to ourselves and everyone else. If everyone else isn’t kind to you, do yourself a goddamn favor and avoid them like the pox.

Leave the junk you gathered in 2020 in 2020. You don’t need that shit in your life. Leave toxic and fake friends, relatives and whatever in 2021. Focus your energy on what builds you. Rad, even if you hate it like the Devil’s unwashed arse. Read, learn, GROW! There’s always room for growth.

I’ll end this note with DON’T YOU DARE GIVE UP THAT WHICH YOU SET OUT TO ACHIEVE.

2020, the year of lectures and lemons.

Learn how to make a comeback whenever life gets hard on you.

It is with a sorrowful heart 😩 that I announce that it’s Anne again. The year is drawing to a dramatic (ever seen anything less dramatic? 🤦🏽‍♀️) close and people all over the world are just so done with it and ready for the new year. Let’s just thank goodness that nobody has been yelling “new year, new me” or “2021 is my year” because I’m positive I will punch somebody’s child.

It’s good that we’re looking forward to better days and all, but let’s be honest. 2021 is going to borrow a bit of 2020’s bullish*t and shove them down our throats. Just saying so we can be on our guard.

Anyway, I want to talk about 2020 & all it has taught us (or me. You can chip in your bit. 😃) and I’m ready to swear that it taught me tons.

Before the lockdown saga, I had next to three jobs. Yes. You read that right. I said “had”. I use past tense because, well, all my work went down the drain as my employers ever more so kindly informed me that they could not afford to have me at the moment.

I’m sure I’m not the only person who heard that. We’re quite many. Anyway, all three jobs were lost to me, I lost my home, quite a ton of people who meant a lot to me and many more things I could mention but that I rather I didn’t because they just make me want to cry.

Want to know what happened after that? I’ll tell you. I was at the verge of crying, but being a Karen, I didn’t let the tears spill. Karens just don’t cry every other way how. I went to bed stressed and thought a great deal about what I was going through. Through all this thinking, a small voice at the back of my mind yelled “You’re a Karen. Buckle up, bitch!”

I sat bolt-upright and decided that I really needed to act like the Karen I am. I took in feel breaths, drank a full glass of water and went about my day like all was okay.

Okay because I’m a Karen?

Nope. Okay because I don’t let my problems define who I am or how I live my day. Okay because I know that problems are a part of life that we have to deal with and try to come out of with both my bums still on. Okay because I believe in toughening up, clenching my jaws and pushing on.

You have it then, folks. Master your problems before they master you.

A great the rest of the week to you. 😉

More Life & Onions. 😩

No censorship whatsoever. Just a dose of heartfelt nonsense and deadbeat truths. 😉

Hello friends. It’s Anne again (I sound silly, right? I’m not sorry! 🤪) If you’re reading this, I thank you for putting up with my bullshit and the like. If you’re still reading this even after chancing upon that cuss word, then be sure to click on the link I’m going to place below all this nonsense I’m writing.

No. It’s not money. I would have liked it to be money, but even I have failed to see where the money at. 2020 has been a severe darling, huh?

Well, as per my previous posts, I mentioned somewhere that I was working on a book. It took me this long because it was an onionful of words but, never mind, folks. The book is now polished up and ready to read. I want to share it with you and since you read this far, I believe you really deserve it. I’m giving it away free…for you. (Well, we’re all oompa loompas so, 🤷🏽‍♀️)

Ok. Let’s check out the link

https://www.dropbox.com/s/urplwcdnxea6rqx/Life%20%26%20Onions.pdf?dl=0

I very much hope you’ll give it a click 👆🏽, and I equally hope you’ll let me know what you think of it. Either way, enjoy the read and…a hearty holiday to you. 🍻

https://www.dropbox.com/s/urplwcdnxea6rqx/Life%20%26%20Onions.pdf?dl=0

Am I doing this right?

Do that which your heart beats for.

Hello, y’all. It’s Anne here (you weren’t expecting Pink Floyd, we’re you?).

Okay, I’ll stop blabbing and head back to the question at the top. Am I doing this right? Or rather, are you doing this right?

I don’t know. I’m answering both answers. I don’t know, just like we as humans don’t know a lot of things, and we don’t even know what we don’t know which is quite okay since thinking about what we don’t know we don’t know is very stressful.

So, WHAT DO WE KNOW?

We do know the things that make us happy. We do know the things or people we enjoy doing, hanging out with, eating, music we like listening to and the list goes on.

Ok. These things you’re doing, ARE YOU DOING THEM RIGHT?

Probably. Once again, I don’t know.

Do you love what you’re doing? Do you think what you’re doing is purposeful? Does it make you feel at peace with yourself? Does it make you happy? Yes? Keep it! Don’t let it go

If it doesn’t, you need to take many steps back and analyze your life. Your living patterns are probably a bit bizarre. Struggle with the alarm every morning, struggle with your tie, curse at slow drivers on the roads, snap at your work colleagues, groan every time you look down at the paperwork hiding your desk.

Do you love the job, OR, are you doing it for the same of the money? OR, are you doing it because you’ve seen people do it before you?

I don’t know about you, but I’m glad and lucky I discovered my passion way back and have since then nurtured it. I’ve had many nits breathe down my neck and tell me that whatever I’m doing “ain’t gon’ take me nowhere”. Well, shut up, Karen. I love writing, so there.

Yeah. I love writing because it is food for my soul, the antidote to my battles- both mental and physical. Enough about me.

How about you? Love painting? Paint, then! Either you want to, or you don’t. The world is leaving the may be peeps behind, and we just don’t give a shit. If you hang tight to your may be’s, we’re probably never gonna see the amazing artwork you could’ve come up with.

So, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna sacrifice your true calling or Nah? Think about it.

A great the rest of the week to you.