Does same-sex love bother you?

Do you have a problem with people having Mohawks?

Do you hate the pimples on Nebuchadnezzar’s face?

Does the fact that Camilla has no ass irk you?

Do you hate that some of us listen to Pink Floyd?

Does the fact that we love beer annoy you?

Do you have a problem with people who read or write erotica?

Do you hate the fact that old ladies are turning up for public functions in pajamas? (PS. I am the old ladies. The old ladies is me.)

Yes? OMG! You answered yes to all this?

Okay, Karen. Thank you very much for sharing with us your concerns, but here’s another round of questions.

In what direct way does same love affect you? Do they have any interest in you? No? Okay, take this. (kick)

Is the Mohawk on your head? No? Take this. (slaps)

Are you having your meals off of Nebuchadnezzar’s face? No? Take this (acid in the mouth), and, don’t forget to buy plates for your kitchen.

Are you dating Camilla? No? Take this. (punches), and, let Camilla enjoy her flat behind in peace.

Do we force you to listen to Pink Floyd? No? have we ever invited you to his concert? No? Take this (gets thrown off a hill)

Has anyone forced-fed you beer? No? Take this (gets a wonderful splash of magma on their back)

Were you invited to an erotica reading? Did the author force you to write for them erotica? No? Take this (gets high-fived in the face with a lawnmower.)

Are these old ladies directly related to you? No? Go and hang yourself with toilet paper, Karen.

What is your problem, Karen? Why are you such a bore, Karen? We’re bothered by the fact that everything bothers your already bother-clogged bothersome mind.

Take a knee, Karen.

I get messages from people – my friends, strangers, and probably Trump’s grandpa, too. They tell me, ‘Anne, I love your lifestyle. I like how you do your thing. I love the good life you’re living. You got it all figured out.’

Bollocks! I’m here to trash all that. I’ve got nothing figured out. I pass through most of my days in zombie-mode, autopilot, or whatever the heck else you care to call it. Almost every single day, I doubt myself, doubt my writing, ask myself who tf I think I, why I’m walking this earth, and a lot else. When someone says they love me, I wonder why they should love a deaf, confused nincompoop who doesn’t see life beyond the hem of her fringy skirt. When I get a client, I doubt myself and feel like an imposter. Other times, I just long to cross over to the other side and be rid of everything. Other times, I question God on numerous things. “Why make my life this wonky?”, “Isn’t it enough that I’m deaf?”, “Why are you so cruel?”, “Why let me come into this awful world?” Then I ask myself, “Why am I even alive?”

And that, folks, is the life of this “glamorous lady” whom you want to be like.

No, I’m not here to complain or discourage you. I’m here to tell you summat else.

I’ve just given you a peek into my life.

There are people out there having it worse than I, and there are those having it worse than them. To sum it all up, we’re all fighting certain “demons”. Maybe you hate your life because you’re holding off fighting your demons. Is that it?

We’re all learning…continuously, and amidst all that, we need to focus on ourselves, not on the girl next door who looks like she has it all. She’s probably battling with serious depression, and you’ll only find out after she’s committed suicide.

I’m not aiming to be like anyone who isn’t me. I’m aiming to be a better Anne who knows how to civilly handle people who just can’t understand what it means to be perfectly abled, without breaking their front teeth or something. I’m aiming to be an Anne who edits her clients’ work satisfactorily and writes novels that her fans will love. I’m aiming to be Anne who will be very comfortable with being Anne, imperfections and all.
Before anything else, focus on yourself.

Harken to my voice, ye.

When was the last time you interacted with your inner child?

You don’t remember? Okay.

Recently? Excellent!

So many people out there have been estranged from their inner selves and it’s so heartbreaking.

Hold up! I’m not pointing fingers.

Life has a way of turning tables, and sometimes, there’s no way we can stop what had to happen from happening.

Either way, don’t let go of that innocent and playful child in you. Keep him/her close to your bosom, play in the rain with him/her, run down a hill screaming and shouting like a maniac, dance around a bonfire and sing away the blues, and DON’T FORGET TO LET YOUR HALO GLOW. Don’t forget to unlock the padlock that imprisons your inner child.

That kid is struggling and pleading with you to let him/her merge with your grown self because, let’s face the truth…without each other, both are incomplete. Both need each other like day needs night.

I mean, WHO WANTS TO BE A GRUMPY OL’ KAREN, ANYWAY?

Anyway, have a wonderful weekend.

I’ve met quite an impressive number of “I’d first have to eat Hagrid’s boots before I ask that Oompa Loompa anything” people. Well, I don’t know the “Oompa Loompa’s” fault. Maybe Tony insists that the “Oompa Loompa” is a horrible person. Maybe Tony is right. And maybe Tony is just being biased.

I don’t know what happened between Tony and this interesting “Oompa Loompa”, but I’ll be very happy to tell you that if I were Tony and this “Oompa Loompa” had something I badly needed, I’d gladly put the disputes aside because, well, what the hell?! I could die tomorrow and never have what I want. (Pulls cellphone out of pocket, determined to act like nothing happened between the Great Big Oompa Loompa and I.) ‘Yo, Oompa L… Oops. I meant, Mr. Madam Sir! How do you do? I’m calling about so and so and I’d appreciate it if you told me about so and so…’

Well, the Great Big Fat Potbellied Oompa Loompa might yell back, ‘Karma is a bitch’ or something, but I did not call about Karma, sir. I called about something you have that will help me.

Jokes aside, I’m gonna admit that it wasn’t easy for me to work up the guts to ask anyone for anything. To an introvert like me, it was just too nightmarish. I worried that I’d suffer a cramp in the butt whilst asking anyone for anything.

In high school, when I really needed to read, I was too afraid to go to the library and speak for myself. It was only in my third year there that I finally grew some balls, walked over to the librarian, asked him a bunch of questions, and very much to my shock, he told me all I needed to know. From then on, I’d bunk classes and just skive off to the library, read my brain out, go back home, and still miss the library. It was my life.

After high school, I didn’t know how to start my writing career and having to ask anyone already in the game scared the shits out of me. Fear kept me from learning for a whopping three years! I’m embarrassed.

What I’ve learned is that there’s quite a good number of generous people out there who are willing to answer your questions. You just need to work up the courage, or put your pride aside, and ask! You’ll be amazed at the number of people who will say yes.

That’s one of Life’s rules.

WANT IT? GO GET IT. ELBOW YOUR WAY THROUGH IF YOU HAVE TO.

Have an awesome weekend. 😉

Does your dream/vision for the future give you butterflies in the stomach? Does it hype you so much that it dizzies you? Yes?

Okay.

Are you struggling to make it happen? No?

WHY?

You don’t have time?

Your family said no?

You’ve been convinced that it takes ages?

Lemme tell you something. Life is short, and I’m not saying, ‘Life is short, let’s go smoke pot.’

But if you wanted to try it out, I wouldn’t stop you, because, what the hell!?

Either way, it’s important to live our dreams because that’s just why they are there in the first place…to be lived. Make them happen.

Most meaningful things go through a bunch of phases that in most cases come across as overwhelming. This intensifies when the people closest to you bring in negativity. ‘No, man. It takes decades to accomplish that.’

Well, maybe it will take decades. Maybe it won’t. Are you using the right methods? Are you surrounding yourself with the right people who are gonna roast you and keep you at it? ARE YOU PROCRASTINATING?
Yes?

Is the dream really important to you?

Yes?

Okay. Disregard your family’s no’s and give your dream all your efforts. Remember, this is about YOU. This is about YOUR dreams, YOUR goals. Your family ain’t gonna be there when you are being interviewed for a job (unless it’s them hiring). At some point, YOU’RE gonna have to pay YOUR bills in your family’s absence.

So, if you’re living to fit in everyone else’s template, rather than YOURS, you’re in trouble, and you’re badly in need of stepping back and giving it all a thorough thinking.

It’s about YOU.

Have a wonderful & productive weekend. Don’t forget to have a beer. 😉

“Do not give up. You’ve got this.”
“You love them. Stick it out.”
“There’s money in it. Get woke and do it.”
“Your mama, dada or nana said to. Don’t let them down.”

The list is endless. Don’t give up on this. Don’t give up on that.

Well, wait, honorable madam sir. Hear me out.

A great number of people are emphasizing not giving up, and yes, persistence is great, it’s amazing, but what the hell are you slogging at? What exactly is it that you’re ever more so ready to give up but just can’t because you were made to believe that quitting is for losers?

“Do not give up. You’ve got this.”

Sometimes, we just haven’t gotten anything, and won’t get it, and ought to give it up and slog elsewhere.

Who says you must stay in a toxic relationship because, uhm, “you’ve got this”? Is there anyone saying that? Yes? He/she is a cunt. Kick him/her in the butt. 👍🏽 Let’s proceed.

This is a story I’ve never really shared with anyone before…though I will now.

When I graduated from high school, I was never the it-girl whom everyone knew, neither was I a nerd who got straight A’s in every godforsaken exam or test. I’d reached a point where I’d made up my mind that I’m gonna be a badass writer no matter what, and that Napoleon and his battles could go hang. I’d give a rat’s ass about all those other subjects. I hated school, not because I was, and still am, an introvert. My problem is deep. Besides having to deal with severe depression, I also had occasional panic attacks that would mostly hit me when I was in a crowded place.

Many times, I struggled to keep it under check and I succeeded, but most times, the crowds suffocated me and I could lose it. I really could.

Without reading through my textbooks, I did my final exams and finished high school with average grades…not bad for someone who didn’t even read a thing.

Well, I applied for a place at the university and I was accepted, semester one started and I was beyond excited.

Well, that excitement died my first day there. The crowds were just dizzying, and the subjects I was doing did not appeal to me in any way. Three weeks into this, I felt suffocated, it was affecting my mental health and o just couldn’t take it anymore.

WHAT DID I DO?

One day, I woke up and just decided that I’d had enough of everything. I left and decided to just learn online, and I did a lot of short courses that helped me, and I finally got the hang of editing. That aside, my mental health improved tremendously.

Moral of the story?

Sometimes, giving up is the best thing to do. If it’s compromising your mental health and dragging you down, it’s a no-no. Let that shit go. You can do better than that.

😉

Have you ever been part of a group of ambitious people? Okay, yes, you might have been a part of them BUT ALSO NOT BEEN A PART OF THEM.

Whereas they were constantly learning, trying out various growth strategies and making progress, you felt stuck, clueless as to what was happening and vaguely aware of being left behind by the crew.

Of course, the question that creeps into your mind in such moments is, ‘What am I doing wrong?’

You’ll blame yourself for not doing enough, not paying enough attention, not caring enough.

Well, maybe you’re to blame, and maybe you’re NOT to blame. Maybe what you were taught was old school and didn’t work anymore. It’s a world of possibilities.

Okay. How about you ask your friends, ‘How are you doing it?’

And, given the fact that you were very much in awe of the progress they were making, once you ask them this question, you should be willing dive into the opportunity, learn and be greedy for the information with which they are sharing with you, hoard the knowledge like a greedy pig and duplicate the system.

Sounds easy-peasy to you? Sounds like a GET CHANGED OVERNIGHT strategy?

SPOILER ALERT!! No, it’s not. It’s a long process, and IF you tread on the right footholds, you’ll have a good chance of getting to the other side a bit scarred, yes, but stronger, more knowledgeable, ready to take the bull by the horns and claim your very much yearned for identity.

It took me a whopping three years to get anywhere. When I decided to brand myself online, I was constantly waddling around like a blind kid with nothing to do. I had a vague idea of what I wanted to do, but I didn’t know how to start or who could help guide me through. When my old Facebook account was hacked, I made a set of new friends, passion-driven friends, ambitious friends, friends who were willing to leave their comfort zone to achieve what they set their heart to.

I was constantly bombarded with posts of how they changed their clients’ lives, how they were living their dream lives and the list goes on.

Well, I cringed.

Not from jealousy. No. I’m hardly that spiteful. What made me cringe was the realization that I wasted three years not knowing what I had to know.

More cringing. I wondered how they did it, but I didn’t ask because I was a shy dumbass. Three months into viewing their success stories, I finally grew a pair and asked a friend, ‘How in the hell are you doing this? How are you crashing this?’

Well, we had a talk that night.

She showed me what I was doing wrong,
-Not caring enough
-Inconsistency
-Laziness

And she said, ‘Anne, if you want to learn all this, I need you to give it your all. It’s gonna be quite a process, but if you wanna crash this, then you gonna have to dive in. In the end, it’s you to either gain or win.’

I avoided her messages for a whole week while I wondered whether I would be able to live up to her expectations. Then I remembered something she said, ‘In the end, it’s you to either gain or lose.’

I weighed my priorities. If I gave it a try, gave it my all, there was a chance of me emerging successful. If I backed out, I’d lose and continue being the same boring and unambitious whelp I was the past years.

My decision was a no-brainer. I messaged her and the mentoring began.

Six months down the road, I got two nonfiction books published more content on my blog, made a good number of valuable friends, and am caught in a whirlwind of wow. All the information I’m hoarding from these amazing people is transforming my life for the better.

I’ll end this on one note.
Whereas the quality of your friends also matters, it’s the question “ARE YOU OPEN TO POSITIVE CHANGES?” that will make a huge difference.

A wonderful week to y’all. ✌️

There’s a lot of racism, discrimination and homophobia flying around and goodness knows what else out there, and Karens are not helping matters by complaining about Auntie Marge’s sagging torso, Auntie Marge this, and Auntie Marge that.

Do you want to live a more fruitful and peaceful life? Here’s your answer. 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽

HOW ABOUT YOU FOCUS MORE ON YOUR LIFE THAN OTHERS’?

I mean, if their actions don’t affect your life in any way, why complicate things for both you and them by popping in to complain? 💀

Please stop being snowflakes and let yourself and others enjoy things.

Let the lovers express their love for themselves without you being judgmental. Let the Caucasian guy down the street enjoy his burger in peace.

AND, if you disagree with this, please don’t stress me, Karen. Do not stress me.

✌️

How would you feel if you gifted someone something very special, something priceless, something many could kill to have, and the person simply tosses it away and it cracks? Hurts like hell, yeah, I know.

The gift I’m referring to here is Life. Life is a very challenging woman many will kill to keep by their side. She has many faces, yes, but that’s how all we humans are, too, right? Many-faced. She’s beautiful, she has her ugly sides, she loves bullshitting us, but what to do? The majority of us still love her.

We were given this bipolar ass of a wife called Life by our parents, and we must hold onto her like she owns every ounce of our hearts…which I’m certain she does.
You might be wondering, “But I was a mistake. My parents said so.”

A mistake that landed you a wonderful spouse, Tom! Don’t you see that? You’re one hell of a lucky man, Tom. You were given Life with all her bounty. Life with all the amazing things she’ll teach you, the strength with which she will equip you, the love she will shower you…only if you let her.

If you still can’t see how lucky you are, go talk to Jesse who didn’t make it out of his mama’s womb. He probably wanted to work alongside Elon Musk. You, Tom, are alive. You’ve been given the chance to work alongside Elon, something Jesse was so brutally denied.

Life has a lot to offer. You just have to look in the right places, and I’m ready to tell you that not once will she ask you to divorce her…unless the contract is up. Think about your offspring who are patiently waiting for you to pass on to them the gift of Life. You wanna deny them the chance? You wanna deny yourself a chance to live?

Nope! Invade my inbox and let’s talk. I’ll give you reasons to live.

Y’all recall when you was a child with no sense of direction and not an idea about what the hell was going on (not that you’re any different from the you you were then)? Do you recall when your mama would bundle you up in ten layers of clothes, belt you up in the backseat of the car and drive you off to only goodness knows where but that always seemed to be the right place and time for the event? You remember all that? Yes? Thank you!

Okay. I know I’ve posted a lot about Life being our spouse and blah-de-bleh, but I’d also ask you to liken her to a parent. They’ll give you tablets when you have a headache and, in most cases, the throbbing in our temples ebbs and we just gotta take our hats off and say, “Mama or pops knows”. They know the tabs that are gonna get rid of the pain! they just know, and you gotta trust them because they have the experience, let them be your guides until you are capable of steering your wheel. Even then, you’ll need them, or maybe someone else with the experience to give you an occasional tag or push in the right direction.

Okay. Let’s now talk about this bipolar ass of a wife called Life. Life has been around for sooooo long a time…goes a long way back when God created animals and the like. So, yeah, she has the experience. Don’t ask her why she let you fall and graze your knee. She’s probably silently asking you to have some grace upon your person. Don’t ask her why she led you to the lake. Just wait and see what’s next. Be curious. She probably wants you to catch some trout to take back home to aunt Sally for dinner.

Don’t ask her why she let you get into a fix/complication. I don’t know what’s running through her mind, but maybe it’s just her bitchiness at work. Maybe you had to get into the complication or something. She knows best, and nothing you say or do will change that.
It’s up to her when she’ll divorce you. If you’re tired of her, I say, don’t stress. She doesn’t want you around that long either, and she knows best how the divorce will happen. She’ll have the resources to make it happen without your help. Sit back and let her bide her time. As I said, she knows what she’s doing. Why pay for what’s going to come to you free of charge, anyway?
I’ll end this with, TRUST LIFE’S TIMING. DON’T RUSH.

Have a wonderful week ahead. Hugs.